Day by day

Thanks for asking, I'm here, still here! Maybe it's the chilly weather setting in, I'm rather worn out at the end of each day, from the driving, chores, and errands, and whatever extra little things I get to squeeze in here and there!

Temperatures dipped to -3C yesterday! But the glistening leaves side by side with bare branches (in this picture taken days ago, just before the colours faded), tells us winter's not quite here yet. I still prefer it whenever the sun's out. But not so much the hot and cold.

What have I been up to?

Staying warm, yes, and also trying to heed The Penguin's Advice in my last post, to keep my cool -- especially when the boys push my buttons, or each other's. It's not easy. Doting, and needing to discipline, too. Because it seems more straightforward to just say "I'll do this for you", than "I have to take this away from you".

But obedience doesn't come easy, and neither is teaching responsibility -- the hand-holding ("let me show you how"), and at the same time, knowing when to let go ("now you do it yourself"). And even something as basic as safety issues, playing nicely between brothers, and putting away our things, resurface day after day, because we still haven't quite got them.

The day Jon forgot to put his schoolwork in his backpack, (and I'm normally the one to put it away for him when it's still lying around), I decided not to drive all the way back to school just to take it to him. He brought home a note he had to write out, from the teacher, reminding him that he has to handle his own responsibilities, because us parents have our own responsibilities, too. How well put, I thought. Yet, once home, Jon was asking me, "Can you get this for me?", and "Can you get that other thing done?", and even telling me where and how I could get to them, to make life a wee bit easier for him!

For Ben, if it's not something as serious as heaving himself over the grocery cart, I try and just shrug off his whining, hopefully before it escalates into a temper tantrum. And with a bit of humour -- pretending I can't understand his "alien language", wiggling my ears for extra effect -- chances are, he will calm down some. Then, together, we take a deep breath, and more deep breaths, before he makes another attempt at his request; this time, I remind him to "use your normal voice". It doesn't work all the time, but we keep on trying.

And until one day they know to do the "right" and "responsible" thing, without any prompting from us, we will have to keep on trying, and learning together. And relying on the grace of God. Many a time, from my children, I see my own inadequacies, and there are daily lessons meant just for me. But I like what Dr John Cox, a Christian clincial psychologist said, and I'm paraphrasing it here, and adding my own interpretation, too, that "walking our talk" doesn't mean having to be perfect parents ourselves. But with our imperfections, struggles, and all, leaning on God to help us be the best for our children. Grace-based parenting, that sounds simple enough, yet so deep at the same time, and easier said than done when a real situation stares one in the face.

A few good moves, and still learning...

Ben and 3K
In the first parent-teacher conference, over the phone (!), on Ben's progress report, I'm happy to hear he's interacting well with his classmates ("the boys, but not the girls", he admits!), participates in circle time, and enjoys the story sessions. He's also asking the teacher if he can do this activity or that (like, "Can I paint?"), rather than saying he wants to skip it, unlike in the beginning for every other thing he would rather just do at home.

Now I know that the American education system tends to praise and possibly overpraise, but I'm thankful nonetheless for his teacher and her aide, for helping Ben settle into school nicely. And there hasn't been any separation anxiety, after that preview day before school started.

Our church problem
For Sunday School, though, it's a different story, that I'm still trying to figure out what may work best for him and us. Ben is not old enough to move on to the next level where the kids he used to hang out with, have gone, missing the cutoff date by a few months. And he's not wanting to be with the other new kids, who are at least a year younger. But it shouldn't be that he is there, and the rest of us in church, only when I'm rostered.

Ben not wanting to be in Sunday School, and not being able to sit beyond the praise and worship (his favourite part) of service, or all through the sermon (I don't expect him to), has become too convenient an excuse for us not to go to chuch, just to be running after him, and then, to hurry off for Jon's Chinese lesson. I think this is a priority for us to get right, and no, electronic, GIRO-like deductions for offerings do not help, even if that was to be my lame excuse to go to church.

The husband said we may have to look for a different place and time, but isn't there some way to work around our current church? Am I being unrealistic? Any suggestions on what we can do?

Jon and Chess
On Saturday, Jon went for his third chess tournament. We weren't all there with him to lend our support, although I drove him and stayed for the first two hours, and watched how an older kid took him down during the practise session before the first game started. After that, Vern went back for Jon, instead of me with Ben, because it was a really cold day.

Jon won two games -- beating one person whose rating was twice his, and another about his same level, and a drew a third with yet another twice his rating. For the other three games he lost, they were to two persons whose ratings were five times his, and one thrice his -- as the luck of the draw, to some extent, would have it, and he didn't really stand a chance.

Nevertheless, while Jon did not fare well enough to take home anything, it was an encouragement to us all, that, as a result, his beginner rating of only 120-something from the second tournament, went up by some 70 points, and it's now at just under 200. We haven't been giving Jon any stress, just asking him to go and do your best, and have fun. And I think he did!

I couldn't wait to hi-five Jon when he got back, and he was grinning from ear to ear. We both knew -- and from the way his schoolfriends who'd been on the team longer, played, that if chess was something Jon was serious about, he would have to work hard for it. Jon only started learning the game in September, and there is still more he has to learn, not just about moves and strategies, but also staying focused and enduring to the end.

Stuff I have to remind myself, too, in the course of everyday living. And it's true, that moms are on their feet pretty much throughout the day, and only get a chance to really sit down after the children go to bed, because there's always this and that to do, but we have only so much energy!

Be back later, when I can! Meanwhile, here's a little "back" talk...

My 30-second back massage
I pulled a muscle earlier, loading 24 mineral water bottles into the boot from the grocery cart, for our Thanksgiving roadtrip. It isn't every day that my boys will give me a back massage (although that'll be nice), but this was one of the funniest I've ever got from Jon!

Jon giving a running commentary of the back massage...

Now, I'm giving you the "knock on the door"...
*Pound! Pound! Pound!*

Now, I'm switching to "karate chop"...
*Hiya! Hiya! Hiya!*

Now, I'm switching to "dog fur brush"...
*Sweep! Sweep! Sweep!*

And now.... I'm switching...
OFF!!!